Kate’s Club has grown by leaps and bounds since the very first days of bowling trips and meeting at Barnes and Noble.  Much of that growth has been made possible by the support of the many volunteers who believe in the mission of the club.  One such person, Thomas Smith, was new to Atlanta and wanted to serve his community when he met Kate Atwood.  Thomas had unfortunately lost both his mother and father as a child and grew up supported by a strong network of aunts and uncles.  Despite their support grief was something that Thomas had to learn to live with on his own.

Using his background in public relations, Thomas helped Kate to devise the very first fundraiser for the club, its now quite popular Cabaret.  As an early board member he also helped to facilitate the event and messaging for a club that he found to be truly unique. Kate’s Club is not a typical grief resource.  Children and parents who have been touched by loss can bond with those who also are grieving.  The kids can talk about it, or they can just enjoy the programming if they aren’t quite ready to share their experiences. Kids and parents alike learn that tears are OK, rather a good thing.  

Thomas’s vision for the club is growth. He sees this both in a physical sense as well as in its outreach.  He hopes for a larger space one day so that many more kids, parents, and volunteers can become involved with the club.  Thomas sees the club as a “bright light” provides a sense of hope.  In the wonderful community of the club anyone can feel comfortable and welcome. Hopefully Kate’s club will continue to grow for many more people and continue to be a place where the legacy of the people who have been lost continues to create a space filled with love.

Is Attitude Everything?

On this Mother’s Day, I’d like to share with you this Washington Post article my sister sent me.  The Mom in this story reminds me a lot of our Mom.  Also the accomplished gardener, she had no doubt she’d beat this breast cancer thing.  In the end, it took her body but I can’t tell you how many times she comes up in our conversations.  She’s not physically here but she’s always with us.

LOVE YOU MOM, your daughters Anne and Mary!!

Washington Post – Cancer Hasn’t Dimmed My Mother’s Upbeat Attitude

Illustration from Rebecca Cobb’s book “Missing Mommy”

In anticipation of Mother’s Day next week, be mindful of those friends and family who’ve lost a Mom.  Ask them if they plan to celebrate her memory on Mother’s Day or give them a hug and acknowledge their loss.  These are small, thoughtful gestures that have big impact.

For the youngest of us addressing the emotions surrounding the death of a loved one, Rebecca Cobb has written a straight forward book to help adults help kids, Missing Mommy.  Check out this link to learn more, NY Times – Missing Mommy.

I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day – they are always with us, no matter what!

The death of a parent is always a traumatic experience for anyone who has had to live through it. Those emotions are only compounded when you have had to witness that death first hand. Ginger Florey-Powell was only 9 years old when she and her brother survived the car accident that took their mother. She felt alone and incapable of talking to anyone about the accident, as they had not experienced it. She turned to her Father for help, but he too was incapable and unwilling to discuss the accident and her mother’s death.

Ginger came to Kate’s Club as a volunteer later in her life. A friend, who had met Kate at a networking event in 2004, suggested she become involved. As life is always surprising, her third date with her current husband was to attend the Kate’s Club Cabaret. After they were married her husband’s ex-wife passed away and his daughter Sarah Ann was left without her mother. Ginger having been through this earlier in her life, and knowing how difficult it can be without the proper support network suggested her stepdaughter participate in a Kate’s Club function. That was 5 years ago and Ginger happily attributes Sarah Ann’s happiness and ability to cope with death with her time spent at the club. She has had an opportunity to meet people who share in her experience and talk to other kids in a supportive place. This is something that Ginger never had and she is thankful that Kate’s Club could be there for her stepdaughter.

Ginger continues to help with fundraising for Kate’s Club as well as volunteer. As both a parent and participant of the club she can clearly see the positive impact such a place can have on anyone dealing with loss. She feels that the club can is best described by the three words: Happy, Healing, and Healthy.

Some of our great buddies! Misty, LC, and Todd. Click to view some recent pictures of Kate’s Club volunteers.

On our last day of National Volunteer Week there is a special volunteer that we would like to acknowledge, Kate Atwood. On Tuesday, Kate was honored by 11Alive for her community service to Kate’s Club. The telecast of the award ceremony will be shown on 11Alive on Saturday at 7:30pm. Obviously, Kate is special to us as our founder but more than that she is an inspiration. Kate founded Kate’s Club in her mid-20′s and turned her personal tragedy into a triumph. Kate’s investment in Kate’s Club goes beyond money or time, she invested her heart ensuring that Kate’s Club had the resolve it needed to succeed. Kate’s Club has grown from 6 members and meetings at Barnes and Noble to a professional bereavement organization who is recognized as an industry leader. As Kate accepted her award on Tuesday night, she dedicated the award to her father, Bill Atwood, who supported, encouraged, and fostered the idea of Kate’s Club. And, like Kate and her father, we hope that the encouragement and support we offer our members allows them to dream big and reach goals that they have only begun to form.

Kate and Bill Atwood

Thank you to all of our volunteers, Buddies, committee members, Ambassadors, Advisory Board, Board of Directors, Kate and every person who has supported, fostered, and encouraged us over the last 10 years.  Your time, talent, laughter, and sweat has allowed us to help hundreds of children and provide thousands hours of therapeutic service and create this magical community so that our members never have to grieve alone. Your service has created a lasting legacy.  You have our deepest gratitude and respect, thank you.

Sincerely,

The Kate’s Club Staff

When Ashley Thomas lost her mother she, like Kate’s Club founder Kate Atwood, she was only 13 years old.  Being a young teenager is challenging enough during the best of times but can become incredibly difficult when you are missing one of your parents. Unfortunately, at that time there were no programs available for Ashley to find kids in a similar situation.  She instead relied upon her family and friends to help her cope with life without a mother.

            Ashley came to Kate’s Club as an adult. She found out about the club from a business associate who suggested to her that she should meet the founder of a group that helps children who have experienced a loss similar to what Ashley suffered years before.  She met Kate for lunch one day and after talking about the similarities of their situation Ashley decided to participate in Camp Good Mourning.  The experience was very rewarding for Ashley, who has been a club volunteer ever since.

            Ashley feels like not having a mother around to witness the milestones in her life has been the most difficult part for her. Although that can never be replaced, having people in your life who have similar circumstances can help greatly in your ability to recover from such a loss.  To Ashley, Kate’s Club is a place that provides lasting relationships with other who can both empathize and support you as your life continues.

Losing a member of your family is always a trying time in a person’s life. Often times, we have reason to expect that someone we love is soon to pass while other times it seems that they have been taken without explanation, and often too soon.  For 16 year old Faith that is exactly the case.  She remembers quite well the day her father simply “stopped playing” with her younger brother and the phone call she in turn had to make to 911.  The mysterious passing of her father left her and her 3 younger siblings unable to explain why they no longer had their dad.

Faith began attending events at Kate’s Club about two years ago and has truly found a place to be herself.  She feels that the club gives her a place where she can be happy and deal with her emotions.  She is a naturally charismatic person who enjoys talking one on one with the younger children in the group.  She hopes to become a “buddy” in a couple of years. 

Although there is no explanation for why she lost her father so soon, Faith and her family feel that he was “called home” earlier than they expected.  Kate’s Club has provided Faith with a place she can call home and has helped her to face many of her fears along the way.

In 2003 Andi Stein wife and mother to two sons, Alec and Adam, lost her husband to bacterial meningitis.  Along with taking her husband’s life it also took from her children any sense of growing up as a normal kid.  Alec felt out of place in school, knowing that he must be the only person who had lost a parent.  This isolation as well as her children’s hatred of grief counseling sent the Stein family searching for comfort in another family.  The Flamini family had also recently suffered the loss of their 10 year old daughter from a brain tumor, thus allowing the two families to find common ground over the tragedies that had befallen them.  Dr. Flamini learned that his assistant was a volunteer at the newly formed “Kate’s Club” and the two families decided that it would be very helpful if they enrolled all of the children in the club’s activities.  Andi remembers Kate picking up her boys in a van and driving them to many of the different gathering, never fearing for her children’s safety as she felt total trust in Kate and everything she stood for.  Andi could see Kate’s Club as “a place to turn to when I didn’t have another place”, and knew that her children could finally feel like they were no longer outsiders and that they had a place to call their own.  Where therapy had failed before now Kate’s Club was able to help her family heal. In fact the healing was not just for her children.  Andi herself actually met her fiancé through Kate’s Club.  She met David at one of the Gala events and after dating for some time it seemed only appropriate that he propose to her in the same place, a Kate’s Club gala.  The rest is history in the making.

In an effort to help her relate I decided to start showing her movies on similar topics. We often have movie night at our home on Friday or Saturday nights. The first one I showed her was Ghost Dad. A 80s movie, I liked as a kid. A family of 3 kids whose mother died and father almost passes away. She really enjoyed the movie and it opened up a new dialog for us. Next we watch My Girl. The main character is near my daughter’s age and her mother passes away while giving birth to her. She enjoyed this one as well. This movie also touches on the loss of a friend. We Bought A Zoo is the next movie we watched. She enjoyed this one a whole lot. It could be because this movie is the most recent of the movies we watched or her love for animals. Either way she really enjoyed it and has watched it a few more times.

After noticing how much she liked these movies and the conversations it sparked I did some research on movies relate. Several were movies we have watched before like Finding Nemo and Lion King. Both Nemo and Simba lost their mothers. Hugo, Life As We Know It, and Raising Helen are next on my list for us to watch.

Below Is a list of movies I found that are related:

• The Jungle Book, Tarzan, The Secret Garden

• James and the Giant Peach

• Lilo & Stitch! (the movie) – Their parents have died and Lilo is in danger of being separated from her sister.

• Hugo - the story of a 12-year-old boy of the same name who after the tragic death of his father, was forced to live with his uncle. His uncle was an alcoholic who worked as the timekeeper for the large and bustling Paris train station.

• Fly Away Home -  the story of a young girl who bonds with her estranged father, following the death of her mother, by learning to fly with geese.

• Shadowlands (1993) – a movie about love, loss of a parent and spouse, and how a new step-parent deals with the grief of a son whom he is just beginning to know. Especially touching for adolescents who have loved the Chronicles of Narnia.

• My Life as a Dog (1985) – An excellent Swedish film about a twelve-year-old boy whose mother is dying. The boy’s distress, coming of age, and conflicts with peers and adults are presented with directness and sensitivity.

• Lemony Snicket’s a Series of Unfortunate Events (2004) – This enjoyable movie fantasy is about three talented children whose parents die in a fire at the beginning of the story.

As usual, I was listening to NPR on the way home.  I heard about the Death Cafe concept started in England in late 2011 by Jon  Underwood.  The purpose of a Death Cafe is to foster a safe, respectful, confidential, casual forum for discussion of death and how our thoughts and questions about death impact the way we live.  By engaging in open and nonjudgemental conversations about death, we can free ourselves of our fears of death and live a fuller life.  Kind of like Kate’s Club but for adults.

I googled Death Cafe and, as luck would have it, learned the inaugural Death Cafe – Atlanta was scheduled for Saturday, March 30 in the beautiful, park like setting of historic Oakland Cemetery, Atlanta’s oldest (1850) and most scenic cemetery - it was a date!

Isn’t it always funny to compare your expectations of an event to the actual event?  I thought I’d be among people wearing black and fond of Halloween-y embellishments.  Totally wrong!  The crowd was wonderfully diverse – men/women/gay/straight/black/white/young/old/religious in both the formal/informal sense.  Everyone is impacted by death and grief and loss so it is only naturaly that everyone is interested in the Death Cafe.

The conversation began at small four person tables with a mix and mingle about half way through the two hour event to find a new discussion partners.  The last 10 minutes were saved for the big group to share topics discussed at the smaller tables.  Topics ranged from what to say to a grieving person, how important it is to contact survivors on a special anniversary of the deceased (birthday, wedding anniversary, death day), pet death, sibling estrangement after parent or sibling death, planning memorial services, what happens after death, unresolved issues with the deceased, euthanasia.  I was struck by how similar some of the topics were to discussions I’ve had with Kate’s Club kids and thought again how brave KC kids are to tackle loss and grief head on in a society that would much rather pat them on the head and dismiss their need to talk about the death of their loved one.

Death Cafe – Atlanta was a success in my book!  The Victorian garden cemetery that is Oakland, is the perfect location for this gathering as it was meant for the living as much as for the deceased.  In the late 1800′s Oakland was a popular destination for carriage rides, picnics and tending the lovely gardens around family plots.

Death Cafe – Atlanta plans to convene at Oakland the last Saturday of each month depending on interest.  The dates for the next two months are April 27 and May 18 (to account for Memorial Day weekend) from 3pm to 5pm.  If you are game to attend, I think you will find it a very enlightening and pleasant way to spend a spring afternoon!  You can register via their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/DeathCafeAtlanta?ref=ts&fref=ts