Remembering Andy: Honoring and celebrating a friend who died by suicide

By Gracie Rodriguez, Kate's Club Development Coordinator

To register for Memory Walk, visit https://give.classy.org/kcmw2024

It was a normal evening. I was on the couch, my mom at the dining table where she tends to her emails and work. I heard her gasp, and I looked over at her sunken face.

“Gracie, what’s Andy’s last name?”*

I paused. “Davis, why?”

At that moment, I knew it wasn’t good. My mother looked me in the eyes and said, “He died.”

The walls fell down around me. No, that couldn’t be true. This was not real.

“No, Mom, I just saw him. I just hugged him last week. They’ve got the wrong guy.”

She then read me the email sent by our high school principal relaying the news.

I couldn’t breathe. The tears started flowing, my mom hugged me, and I ran to my room. I called our close friend, Haley, who had recently moved to another school and wouldn’t have received the email.

When I broke the news to her, I could barely get the words out. I’m not sure how I managed to in the end. Her initial reaction was similar to mine. She didn’t believe me: she laughed. She thought I was pranking her, that Andy was on the other line, that he would soon unmute himself and start laughing with her. But I kept crying, and his voice never came, so reality began to set in for the both of us. We cried and cried.

Getting to know Andy

The only reason that I vividly remember the first few weeks of eighth grade is that Andy was the new kid at our school. In the suburban metro Atlanta town of Roswell, GA, it was quite unusual to see a cowboy.

Most dressed in Nike shorts and Southern Shirt Company t-shirts, some toyed with alternative styles, and some (me) tried to emulate the teen girls we saw on Tumblr. But never did anyone wear cowboy boots. Yet there he was, boldly and proudly himself, with loose jeans, well-loved cowboy boots and a yellow t-shirt that he loved to wear. His strut was cool and confident.

I made it my mission to become his friend. I invited him to a night at the bowling alley with a few of my friends from the neighborhood. His response? “Sorry I’ll be in Forsyth for the rodeo haha.” Classic.

Later that fall, I decided to dress as a cowgirl for the Halloween house party that all the eighth graders were slated to attend. Of course, I only chose this costume as a reason to talk to him. Somehow I got his phone number and asked if I could borrow a cowboy hat for my costume. Slick, right?

To my excitement, he said, “Yes, of course,” and the next day we met up, so he could pass the hat off to me. My heart was pounding! I could tell it was a nice hat, too. I protected that hat with all of my might, but at the Halloween party, I noticed a tiny dent on its side. I was so nervous to return the damaged hat, but he could not have cared less. I still remember his sweet little smile when he told me it was okay.

From then on, we became good friends. His neighborhood connected to mine, so we would meet up halfway, or sometimes he would just walk all the way to mine. The summer between eighth and ninth grade, me, Andy, and Haley became a little friend group. That fall we all had Current Issues class together. In our downtime, he taught me how to study for my driver’s permit test because he had already done his and was eager to get his license.

Celebrating Andy and continuing our connection after he died

The following year, he died by suicide less than a month before his early September birthday. He never got his license. He is forever 15.

His parents dropped all of his belongings off at his best friend’s house. It was a “free-for-all” for all of his friends to take items to remember him by. I took a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt, and the cowboy hat that I borrowed for my Halloween costume. To this day, I have not washed those jeans or worn that shirt because I swear they still smell like him.

Andy’s death brought my class together in ways I never thought possible. For many years we held annual balloon releases in his honor, and now we have all found ways to remember and celebrate him as we grow into adulthood.

I carry my friend’s memory with me every day. Andy led by example in showing me how to be my authentic self. For a middle school kid to come to a new school with a totally different culture and win everyone’s hearts without feeling pressured to change a thing about himself - that kind of courage and effortless confidence will stick with me forever.

Whenever his favorite band, The Lacs, comes to town, I go see them for him. With him. I even got to meet them and share Andy’s story, and you already know I got them to sign his cowboy hat.

When someone we love dies, the heartbreak feels unbearable as reality sets in that you will never see that person again. But what you realize as time goes on is that there are ways to keep our loved ones who died with us forever.

Whether you are spiritual or not, the truth is that your connection with that person is just as real as it ever was. They may not be with you on Earth anymore, but energy cannot be created or destroyed. The energy of your love, and the reality of your relationship, is ever-present.

I often wonder who he would be now that we are in our mid-20s – where he would live, what job he would have, who he would love, what music he would listen to. I wish we could have continued to grow up together. But love is forever, and I am forever thankful that he came to our school that year, and that I had the chance to love him and to be loved by him.

Honoring Andy at the Kate’s Club Memory Walk

This year I will be walking in A Walk to Belong: 2024 Kate’s Club Memory Walk in honor of Andy. I will invite my friends who also knew Andy, and we will reminisce as we walk amongst a community of people who have also experienced the loss of someone close to them. Gathering alongside a community that understands can be so healing, and I look forward to sharing this meaningful day with everyone at Memory Walk.

Memory Walk is a Kate’s Club event that allows children, families, and young adults to honor and walk in memory of people in their lives who died, surrounded by a community of support. On Sunday, November 10 at 10:30 a.m. our community will walk at the Blackburn Park Pavilion in Brookhaven, GA. Learn more and register now at https://give.classy.org/kcmw2024.

*Some names have been changed for privacy.