Helpful materials for grieving individuals and those who support them.

From pre-school to adulthood, we offer a reading list of grief books for all ages and walks of life. Whether you are a parent who wants to learn how to talk with you’re a child about grief, a therapist who wants to learn about working with clients experiencing grief, or just someone navigating your own grief: there is something for everyone.

Grief Reading for All Ages

1. Grief is a Mess, Jackie Schuld
2. Love You Forever, Robert Munsch — A story about a son and his mother, that encompasses life changes and passing on of rituals from one generation to the next.
3. Tear Soup, Pat Schwiebert — A book for any age that validates and educates on the grief process.

Grief Reading for Adults

1. We Come Together as One: Helping Families Grieve, Share, and Heal the Kate’s Club Way, Lane Pease Hendricks & Nancy Kriseman — An easy to read guide for any adult raising a grieving child and balancing their own grief.
2. The Bereaved Parent, Harriet Schiff — This book provides practical supportive advice for bereaved parents and the professionals who work with them.
3. Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, David Kessler — Finding meaning beyond the stages of grief most of us are familiar with—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—that can transform grief into a more peaceful and hopeful experience.
4. Finding the Words: How to talk with children and teens about death, suicide, funerals, homicide, cremation, and other end-of-life matters, Alan Wolfelt
5. Healing a Child’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends, and Caregivers How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies, Therese Rando
6. Life after Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life after Experiencing Major Loss, Bob Dietz
7. When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Harold Kushner
8. 180 Your Life From Tragedy to Triumph: A Woman’s Grief Guide, Bethany Rutledge & Mishael Porembski — A year-long grief empowerment program written from a Christian perspective by a mother at Kate’s Club.

Grief Reading for Professionals

1. But I Didn’t Say Goodbye: For parents and professionals helping child suicide survivors, Barbara Rubel
2. The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner Eleven Essential Principles, Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D.
3. Helping Adolescents Cope with Loss (Ed. Kenneth Doka and Amy Tucci) Grief After Suicide, Ed. John Jordan and John McIntosh
4. Techniques for Grief Therapy, Robert A. Neimeyer

Grief Books for Pre-School and Elementary School

1. The Invisible String, Patrice Karst — A wonderful story that focuses on how love lives on after death.
2. Is Daddy Coming Back in a Minute?, Alex Barber and Elke Barber — Explains death to in easy to understand way to very young children.
3. Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs, Tomie De Paola
4. When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death, Laurene and Marc Brown — A comprehensive book, in a cartoon format, which discusses different issues related to death.

Grief Books for Elementary Schoolers

1. Always and Forever, Alan Durant — A story about losing someone close and how sharing together helps.
2. The Empty Place: A child’s guide through grief, Roberta Temes — Focuses on sibling loss and the accompanying feelings.
3. Sad About Sammy, Valette Soppe and Tonya Southwick — A family resource guide for children experiencing sibling loss and grief.
4. Samantha Jane’s Missing Smile, Julie Kaplow and Donna Pincus — A story about coping with the loss of a parent.

Grief Books for Middle and High School

1. Daddy’s Climbing Tree, C.S. Adler — An eleven-year-old and her family cope with the death of her father.
2. I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter, Erika L. Sanchez – Julia balances culture, grief, mental health, and independence as a teenage girl in a Mexican family.
3. Fire in My Head, Ice in My Veins: A Journal for Teenagers Experiencing a Loss, E.S. Traisman — Intended as a journal for a teenager who has experienced the death of someone they loved.
4. There Are Two Kinds of Terrible, Peggy Mann — After his beloved mother dies of cancer, a boy must learn to relate to his father who has withdrawn into his own shell of suffering.
5. Tunnel Vision, Fran Arrick — After a teen dies by suicide his family, friends, girlfriend, and a teacher must deal with their feelings of guilt and bewilderment.
6. Lost in the Middle, New York Life Foundation — A graphic novel that follows 8th grader Kai as he creates videos about middle school challenges, from opening a locker to opening up to a friend about death. Download it from the New York Life Foundation here.

1. "Stop crying; you're only making it worse."

‍Expressing emotions, even strongly if so inclined, is a natural, normal, and healthy reaction to death.‍

2. "You should let your emotions out or you'll feel worse later."

It's also normal for some people to not cry; not showing outward emotions doesn't mean the person is grieving less or will have some kind of "delayed reaction."‍

3. "At least he's not suffering anymore."

This offers little condolence. Whatever the circumstances of the death, the bereaved person is still suffering.

4. "You must be strong."

(Or "God never gives us more than we can handle.") Such statements imply that it's wrong to feel bereft, which is a perfectly natural response.

5. "God must have wanted her."

No mortal can purport to know God's purpose. People who don't believe in God might also bristle at your presumption in attaching a religious significance to the loss.

6. "Don't dwell on it."

It's normal and natural -- as well as helpful -- to talk about the person who died.

7. "I know exactly how you feel."

In fact, you can't. Even if you've experienced a similar loss, you're not the bereaved person, and you didn't have the same relationship to the person who died

8. "At least he was old enough to live a full life."

How old would old "enough" be?

9. "You're lucky. At least [you have money, you're young and attractive, etc.]."

Loss is always horrible. Comparing misfortunes to others' or to alternate scenarios won't make the person feel better.

10. "It's been [six months, one year, etc.]; it's time to move on."

‍People never stop grieving for a lost loved one. Affixing a deadline to mourning is insensitive and does little to help people learn to live through their loss

1. "My heart is with you."

It's short, sweet, heartfelt, and always welcomed.

2. "Please know that I'm here for you."

It never hurts to remind someone in pain of your friendship, no matter how close you are.

3. "You're in my thoughts and prayers."

Even people who aren't religious are unlikely to be offended if they know you're sincere (or leave off the "prayers" if you think they might be).

4. "Remember you can call me at any hour."

Alternately, be specific: "You know I'm always up till midnight." Or, "It's never too early in the morning to call." You might ask when the hardest time for the person is and check in with them at that time.

5. "One of my favorite memories is..."

Share your favorite memory of the person who died. Don't worry that you'll make the bereaved person think about the loved one by bringing up positive reminisces; you can rest assured he or she is always in mind already.

6. "I don't know what to say."

Admitting you're tongue-tied about offering condolences is better than falling back on a platitude.

7. "I can't imagine what you're going through."

Candor when you give condolence beats comparing the death with your own stories of loss.

8. "Would you like to talk about it? I'm listening."

Provide a gentle opening for the person to share turbulent emotions, fi desired.

9. "How are you feeling - - really?"

A more pointed invitation to unload may be welcomed by some: just don't press.

10. "I've brought you a meal to eat or freeze; it's in disposable containers so you don't so you don't have to return anything." or "I would like to take the kids for the afternoon on... "

Better than asking, "How can I help?" is to step in with concrete help.