Developmental Responses to Death

Birth – 18 Months:

• Disturbed sleeping patterns.
• Eating changes.
• Clinging to the caretaker.
• Lethargy

‍

18 Months - 2 Years:

• Fears losing primary caretaker’s love.
• Can’t cope well with multiple changes.
• Keenly aware of non-verbal responses.
• Begin to realize they are missing someone in their family.
• Unable to verbalize feelings; therefore, they act them out in misbehavior.
• May regress to previous behaviors – bedwetting, thumb sucking, etc...
• Clingy – demands for affection and approval.
• Daily asking for person who is not present.

3 - 6 Years:

• Death is understood as temporary.
• Child will act out feelings or act as if nothing has changed.
• Blames self; views death as being punished for being naughty.
• Maintains fantasies of their loved ones return.
• Fears abandonment.
• May be irritable and/or show aggression.

7 -  10 Years:

• Child can become preoccupied with death.
• Prevailing sadness increased crying, or withdrawal.
• Fear of the future; concerns about money, food, shelter, etc...
• Self-conscious about the family being different.
• Conflict with friends.

11 - 13 Years:

• Child begins to understand the concept of death.
• Child begins to believe that death is irreversible.
• Anger can be covering emotional pain.
• May withdraw from friends and activities; indifference.
• May feel shame that their family is different or changed.
• Busy themselves with activities and friends seeking approval.
• May suffer a loss of identity; low self-esteem.

14 - 20 Years:

• Overwhelmed with additional responsibility.
• Frequent mood swings.
• Outward denial of inner turmoil.
• Dependent/independent conflicts.
• Needs peer approval; prefers friends over family.
• Wants to compensate feelings of loss with more “things”.
• Fears parental illness.
• Tests limits.
• Sensitive to family tensions.