Grief & Culture: Maintaining cultural ties when you are grieving those who helped you keep them alive
Kate’s Club is based in the United States, which is often considered a melting pot of cultures. It can create a beautiful, new U.S. culture when so many of us can easily experience or be exposed to foods, languages, traditions and other cultural aspects from so many different countries.
However, many immigrants and/or their children can struggle to balance assimilation with their own traditions. This may feel even harder when the “elders” in your family die. While you mourn them, you may also mourn the way they kept traditions from your family’s culture alive.
In this new grief resource, Kate’s Club, a Georgia-based bereavement support organization, explores ways to keep your culture and heritage alive while grieving. These tips come in addition to talking with living members of your family to keep memories and traditions going.
Note that this guide primarily considers “culture” in terms of country of origin, though of course there are many other groups or life experiences with their own culture. Visit our website for more grief resources, or contact us if you want us to write on something new!
Learn your family’s mother tongue
Learning your family’s language isn’t the only way to feel like you “belong” in your culture. However, it can be a straightforward way (though maybe not an easy one) to feel connected to your heritage. It can be hard to learn a language, but there are many ways to start.
You can start with a free language app or software, then broaden your vocabulary with media like TV shows, movies, music or books. It’s easier than ever to access media from all over the world and in different languages, whether on or offline.
When you consume media from different places, it can also help you learn more about the cultures of its speakers…but more on that later!
In addition, you may be able to find language tutors or even classes in your area. You can also look for in-person or virtual conversation groups to practice speaking with other learners.
Read books and watch movies from your home country
We already touched a bit on media consumption. However, in addition to using media as a tool for language-learning, you can also use it to learn about traditions, ideologies or ways of life.
In addition to media from other countries, you may find comfort in the stories of others who are juggling assimilation and tradition just like you. You can read books or movies from other U.S. Americans (or wherever you’re from!) who immigrated from your family’s home country.
When grieving, you might also need a little more “me time.” Why not try passing it with:
- Books
- Movies
- TV shows
- Music
- And more
Relate your hobbies and interests to your home country – or pick up a new one steeped in tradition!
Culture manifests in so many different ways, including hobbies. You can build on your existing hobbies by learning about how they are experienced in your home country, such as fashion trends or favorite sports in your home country.
If it’s a hobby you can practice in a group (like dancing or sports), you might even meet more folks with the same identity as you. Spending time together can help you stay connected to your family’s heritage, values and way of life.
Consider some hobbies in the realm of:
- Cooking
- Dance
- Art
- Music
- Fashion
- Sports
- And more
You can also use hobbies to learn about your country’s history. Cultural aspects like food, dance, music and even sports evolve over time, and you can learn more about their historical iterations in your family’s home. You might practice traditional forms of dance, music, art or other hobbies.
Connect with local organizations to maintain cultural ties while grieving
Community is one of the best ways to cope with anything – for example, it is at the heart of our philosophy at Kate’s Club that the best way to cope with grief is by talking and sharing with a supportive community.
Keeping your culture alive in the face of grief is no different. Meeting others with shared experiences, values or interests can help you feel more connected to your heritage and culture!
Try finding a local organization of folks of the same background. You can connect with others of shared experience, or even volunteer to work on cultural events or with new or other immigrants.
Have patience and grace for yourself on your grief journey
Above all, have patience and grace for yourself on your grief journey. Experiencing the death of someone close to you is hard, balancing assimilation and tradition is hard, and doing both at once can sometimes make you feel more sad or confused.
However, there is ultimately no wrong way to grieve or to stay connected to your culture. Be gentle with yourself and try not to hold yourself to some unachievable standard.
You, like everyone else, are experiencing this life for the first time. Celebrate that you are always learning along the way!
Contact Kate’s Club for free grief support in Georgia
Kate’s Club empowers children and teens, their families, and young adults facing life after the death of a parent, sibling, caregiver, or someone important to them. The organization builds healing communities through recreational and therapeutic group programs, education, and advocacy. Since its founding in metro Atlanta in 2003, Kate’s Club has served thousands of individuals who are grieving, through both in-house and outreach services.