Navigating Friendships While Grieving

Maybe your friends do not know the right words to say, and therefore say nothing at all or maybe you are just tired of thinking and talking about your grief altogether, so you decide to isolate yourself instead. Small talk, going out and having fun, possibly even showering and getting dressed can all feel difficult while grieving. Changes in eating and sleeping, isolation, lack of focus, anger outbursts, and even unhealthy relationships are all grief responses.

So, how are you supposed to navigate friendships when you are feeling so low? How do you continue your day-to-day, your routines, your previous relationships when your person is gone?

Check out this grief resource from Kate’s Club, a Georgia-based grief support organization, for young adults or anyone on maintaining supportive friendships while grieving.

Communicate your needs while grieving

Many young adults have mentioned that they lost friendships after the death of a loved one; their friends didn’t understand, they didn’t want to use “friend” time as a “grief counseling” time, or maybe their friends just didn’t know how to respond and said all the wrong things instead. You may even be surprised that your more distant friends were the ones who checked in the most, while your closest friends thought that distance was best.

If your friend has not personally had a significant loss, they may not understand how you are feeling and what you are going through. Even if your friend has had a significant loss, they still may not understand because everyone grieves differently!

The best way to navigate this is to communicate your needs and feelings clearly, whether that be for more space during this time, less space and more support, or how you want your friend to be there for you.  

Some examples of this include:

• “I’m not really in the mood to talk about my grief, but I would really like for you to just be here with me right now.”
• “I am sorry I have been distant, my heart has been hurting. You are still my friend and I appreciate you being here for me.”
• “Can you attend this family function with me? I am feeling anxious to go now that (insert your person here) won’t be there and would really like a friend.”
• “I want to talk about my thoughts, grief, and what’s been going on. Right now, I don’t need any suggestions or advice, just a friend who will listen to me as I process what’s going on.”

Take care of yourself — self-care matters while grieving!

Have you ever listened to the safety brief from the attendants on flights? They tell you that in the case of loss of oxygen, put your mask on first before assisting others. Why is this? If you lose oxygen, your body cannot function properly and therefore you cannot help others.

This applies to all situations! If you aren’t nourishing yourself, taking care of your mind and body, it will be nearly impossible for you to nourish a friendship. For some, self-care includes spending time with friends and family, for others, it may be relaxing in a clean home. For many, it includes setting boundaries and sticking to them!

If you don’t know where to start, try these tips for self-care while experiencing grief:

• Spend at least five minutes each day doing one self-care activity
• Set boundaries and communicate them clearly - not taking on extra responsibilities or not attending a social event
• Meditate and practice mindfulness and gratitude
• Take a walk or exercise
• Learn a new hobby
• Spend time with a close friend who “fills your cup”

With all of that being said, remember to give yourself grace during this time of grieving. You have the right to grieve how you want, to talk about your grief when you want - to who you want, and you have the right to get upset about the normal, everyday problems too! Try your hardest to let the loving, genuine people in, even when you may be feeling like you want to push everyone away.

You may just find that there is a new friend, ready to be your sounding board right around the corner. Communicate with them, help them understand what you are needing during this time, and always remember to take care of yourself in a positive and healthy way!

Contact Kate’s Club for free grief support in Georgia

Kate’s Club empowers children and teens, their families, and young adults facing life after the death of a parent, sibling, caregiver, or someone important to them. The organization builds healing communities through recreational and therapeutic group programs, education, and advocacy. Since its founding in metro Atlanta in 2003, Kate’s Club has served thousands of individuals who are grieving, through both in-house and outreach services. For more information, visit katesclub.org.

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